Showing posts with label Collaborative Divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Collaborative Divorce. Show all posts
Article on Collaborative Divorce on Huffington Post
Here's a good article on the Huffington Post website about collaborative divorce by an attorney who practices collaborative law.
An Epidemic of Mid-Life Divorces
Recently, I read somewhere that the divorce of someone close to you is a warning signal that may indicate that your relationship is at risk as well. Although most divorces -- especially adversarial, non-collaborative divorces -- are painful and expensive, there can be a bit of "jealousy" from longtime married folks when a friend or colleague divorces. Although divorces are a time of difficult transition, there is something liberating about the process as well. Most of us fear change, although we secretly long for it. "The grass is greener" theory, perhaps?
There seems to be an epidemic of mid-life divorces occurring around Omaha these days. Longtime married folks -- those married for 10, 15, or 20 years, are posting their "Single" status on Facebook. They're posting provocative pictures of "Girls Night Out," or ... even worse, the "cryptic" Facebook status updates ... the ones that allude to people not supporting their choices, or not understanding what they're going through. (Or the reverse -- the "shout-outs" to those who are supporting them, while lambasting those who have stayed silent on the topic.)
Even worse, are the Wall Photos. These two appeared on a friend's Facebook page this past week:
and
Then comes the inevitable admission: "We're getting a divorce." When a friend gets to this point, it's time to focus more on your own relationship. Don't let the divorce be contagious. (Oh, and suggest to your friend that they keep their relationship issues off Facebook.)
There seems to be an epidemic of mid-life divorces occurring around Omaha these days. Longtime married folks -- those married for 10, 15, or 20 years, are posting their "Single" status on Facebook. They're posting provocative pictures of "Girls Night Out," or ... even worse, the "cryptic" Facebook status updates ... the ones that allude to people not supporting their choices, or not understanding what they're going through. (Or the reverse -- the "shout-outs" to those who are supporting them, while lambasting those who have stayed silent on the topic.)
Even worse, are the Wall Photos. These two appeared on a friend's Facebook page this past week:
and
Then comes the inevitable admission: "We're getting a divorce." When a friend gets to this point, it's time to focus more on your own relationship. Don't let the divorce be contagious. (Oh, and suggest to your friend that they keep their relationship issues off Facebook.)
Adversarial Divorces Can Have Unintended Consequences
As this article points out difficult divorces can lead to suicide. From the article:
“The fact that increasing divorce rates are linked with increasing suicides in men as well as in women can be interpreted as showing that stable social relationships provide protection against suicide,” Austrian researchers reported in March in the Journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine.
Adversarial divorces can be even harder on people than a collaborative divorce. Consider the consequences when choosing to pursue litigation instead of a collaborative divorce.
“The fact that increasing divorce rates are linked with increasing suicides in men as well as in women can be interpreted as showing that stable social relationships provide protection against suicide,” Austrian researchers reported in March in the Journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine.
Adversarial divorces can be even harder on people than a collaborative divorce. Consider the consequences when choosing to pursue litigation instead of a collaborative divorce.
Divorce Coach's Insight into Collaborative Divorce
Here's an article by Sassona Baron, a therapist and divorce coach in Vancouver, British Columbia, about "Five Hopeful Reasons for Collaborative Divorce: A Divorce Coach Perspective."
How Holidays Change After the Divorce
Happy Fourth of July weekend!
If you are contemplating divorce, one of the things you may not have considered is how your holidays will change after the divorce. Long-held family traditions may need to be altered or scrapped entirely. Family trips to the cabin, traditions of attending hometown fireworks displays, and even simple things like hanging out with the in-laws will likely be different in the future.
If you have children, one of the issues that will need to be decided is how the holidays are spent. In Nebraska, a parenting plan is required to be on file before the divorce can be finalized. You can develop the parenting plan in collaboration with your spouse, or you may require mediation to finalize all the details.
When developing the parenting plan, be sure to specify how holidays will be handled. Will each parent receive a designated "set" of holidays each year, and alternate that set each year with the other parent? For example, one parent gets Easter, Fourth of July, Thanksgiving and New Year's and the other gets Memorial Day, Labor Day, Halloween, and Christmas? When does the "holiday" begin? Does it begin at 6 p.m. the night before the holiday, and end at noon on the day after the holiday? Does it begin when the children are released from school (for Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's) and end when the children return to school?
Making sure that you identify and address these holiday-related issues will help ensure a smooth transition for you, your soon-to-be-ex-spouse, and your children.
Deciding holiday visitation can often be a contentious issue. If you choose a collaborative divorce, your collaborative divorce attorney can help you negotiate the holiday schedule for the parenting plan. And your divorce coach can help you navigate the minefield of emotions you'll likely face as you think about not spending your Christmas with your child this year, for example, or giving up your New Year's tradition of game night, football on television, and fuzzy pajamas.
But remember -- holidays are just a day on the calendar. You can celebrate these days at any time ... and feel free to develop your own new traditions, post-divorce.
An Attorney Explains Collaborative Divorce (Video)
Attorney Alan Freed is interviewed on TV station KSDK about the collaborative divorce process. (Click the blue link to view the video.)
Freed explains how the collaborative divorce process works, how it is different from mediation, and the interaction of specialists (including mental health therapists) in the process. He also responds to the question about whether collaborative divorce is quicker than a traditional divorce. The interviewer asks if collaborative divorce attorneys have a hard time convincing clients to choose this route -- Freed responds that couples who have children, for example, choose collaborative divorce because they want to be able to have that parenting relationship after the divorce is finished. He also explains that most people going through a divorce are fearful of the process, and there are two ways to handle that fear: To ramp up into a battle or to understand they are fearful and work with a team to get through the process.
Freed explains how the collaborative divorce process works, how it is different from mediation, and the interaction of specialists (including mental health therapists) in the process. He also responds to the question about whether collaborative divorce is quicker than a traditional divorce. The interviewer asks if collaborative divorce attorneys have a hard time convincing clients to choose this route -- Freed responds that couples who have children, for example, choose collaborative divorce because they want to be able to have that parenting relationship after the divorce is finished. He also explains that most people going through a divorce are fearful of the process, and there are two ways to handle that fear: To ramp up into a battle or to understand they are fearful and work with a team to get through the process.
Because Lawyers Aren't Accountants (Part I)
In a blog post earlier this week about the Tax Implications of Divorce, I mentioned how the child tax exemption can be a big factor in a financial settlement.
Just yesterday, I came across another situation which highlights the importance of having a financial specialist involved in a divorce. This is a real situation.
In March 2010, a 15-year marriage was dissolved at the direction of a Douglas County judge. The divorce had been extremely contentious (this was not a collaborative case), and settlement negotiations broke down on the day of the divorce trial, and the case went before the judge to decide several issues -- primarily all financial. One of the key issues at hand was that the plaintiff in the case (the woman) had filed her tax return for 2008 (the year which she filed for divorce), but refused to provide a copy of the return to the defendant. Without that information, the defendant could not file his tax return, as the couple had several minor children, and he was unclear which -- if any -- of the children she had claimed as exemptions.
As the divorce dragged on, the defendant did not file his 2009 tax return either. When the case finally went to trial in 2010, one of the key financial issues was the unpaid tax liability from 2008 and 2009. The defendant's accountant had advised him that the 2008 liability was projected to be $20,000 (due to inadequate estimated tax payments, but also interest and penalties that had accrued from nonfiling and nonpayment). But the accountant projected that the liability could be reduced to approximately $10,000 if the wife's original 2008 return was amended and all relevant deductions were included (including home mortgage interest and all child tax exemptions -- it was found through a deposition and subsequent discovery that the wife had not claimed all the children when she filed the return).
The judge in the case ordered that the parties amend the 2008 returns to "married filing jointly," with the defendant assuming responsibility for paying the (reduced) tax liability as part of the overall financial settlement. When asked by the judge if she believed the financial settlement to be fair, the wife testified "yes."
Fast forward one year. The defendant's accountant drafted the revised tax return and the defendant presented it to his ex-wife to sign. She initially refused, but finally did so, when reminded of the court order. The defendant submitted the amended tax return to the IRS, and when the return was accepted, submitted a request for a payment plan, since he did not have sufficient cash to pay his tax obligations from 2010, 2009, and 2008 all at once (the total amount for all years exceeded $25,000).
One thing most people don't realize about financial settlements in a divorce is that certain entities don't recognize divorce settlements. Chief among these are the IRS and credit card companies. If you're a party to the obligation, they will pursue payment from you, whether you're responsible (according to the divorce judgment) or not.
What this meant to the plaintiff (the wife in the divorce action) is this: When she filed her 2010 tax return, she was notified that her refund would be garnished (seized) to apply towards the 2008 tax liability (from the amended joint tax return).
In a future blog post, I'll provide more details about what the plaintiff did next, and what the outcome was with the IRS, but the lesson is clear: Lawyers and judges aren't financial specialists. Heck, even accountants aren't financial specialists.
Having a joint financial specialist advising both parties in a divorce action (which is the case with collaborative divorce cases in Nebraska) is critical to not only making financial decisions in a divorce settlement, but also in explaining the impact of these decisions to both parties (and, sometimes, the lawyers involved).
Just yesterday, I came across another situation which highlights the importance of having a financial specialist involved in a divorce. This is a real situation.
In March 2010, a 15-year marriage was dissolved at the direction of a Douglas County judge. The divorce had been extremely contentious (this was not a collaborative case), and settlement negotiations broke down on the day of the divorce trial, and the case went before the judge to decide several issues -- primarily all financial. One of the key issues at hand was that the plaintiff in the case (the woman) had filed her tax return for 2008 (the year which she filed for divorce), but refused to provide a copy of the return to the defendant. Without that information, the defendant could not file his tax return, as the couple had several minor children, and he was unclear which -- if any -- of the children she had claimed as exemptions.
As the divorce dragged on, the defendant did not file his 2009 tax return either. When the case finally went to trial in 2010, one of the key financial issues was the unpaid tax liability from 2008 and 2009. The defendant's accountant had advised him that the 2008 liability was projected to be $20,000 (due to inadequate estimated tax payments, but also interest and penalties that had accrued from nonfiling and nonpayment). But the accountant projected that the liability could be reduced to approximately $10,000 if the wife's original 2008 return was amended and all relevant deductions were included (including home mortgage interest and all child tax exemptions -- it was found through a deposition and subsequent discovery that the wife had not claimed all the children when she filed the return).
The judge in the case ordered that the parties amend the 2008 returns to "married filing jointly," with the defendant assuming responsibility for paying the (reduced) tax liability as part of the overall financial settlement. When asked by the judge if she believed the financial settlement to be fair, the wife testified "yes."
Fast forward one year. The defendant's accountant drafted the revised tax return and the defendant presented it to his ex-wife to sign. She initially refused, but finally did so, when reminded of the court order. The defendant submitted the amended tax return to the IRS, and when the return was accepted, submitted a request for a payment plan, since he did not have sufficient cash to pay his tax obligations from 2010, 2009, and 2008 all at once (the total amount for all years exceeded $25,000).
One thing most people don't realize about financial settlements in a divorce is that certain entities don't recognize divorce settlements. Chief among these are the IRS and credit card companies. If you're a party to the obligation, they will pursue payment from you, whether you're responsible (according to the divorce judgment) or not.
What this meant to the plaintiff (the wife in the divorce action) is this: When she filed her 2010 tax return, she was notified that her refund would be garnished (seized) to apply towards the 2008 tax liability (from the amended joint tax return).
In a future blog post, I'll provide more details about what the plaintiff did next, and what the outcome was with the IRS, but the lesson is clear: Lawyers and judges aren't financial specialists. Heck, even accountants aren't financial specialists.
Having a joint financial specialist advising both parties in a divorce action (which is the case with collaborative divorce cases in Nebraska) is critical to not only making financial decisions in a divorce settlement, but also in explaining the impact of these decisions to both parties (and, sometimes, the lawyers involved).
Why A Financial Specialist is Vital in Divorce
In most traditional divorces, it is up to the couples and their attorneys to value the marital assets and determine a financial settlement. In some cases -- for example, when there is a family business -- an outside consultant may be called in to value the business and provide scenarios to determine future ownership and compensation to the other party.
But in most cases, it's the parties themselves -- either with, or without the assistance of their attorney -- who end up valuing assets. And this can be a difficult job. When a family member went through this process a few years ago, I saw how difficult this could be. Even "objective" measures for valuing items -- for example, using the Kelly Blue Book value to determine the valuation of a vehicle -- can be subjective. One spouse who wants to retain an asset may claim that there is more "wear and tear" on the item, and therefore, it's worth less. Spouses may disagree on how current value should be measured. A bedroom set purchased the year before for $1700 may be worth $500 (if that's what similar items are selling for on Craigslist) to the spouse that wants to keep the item -- or $1250 to the spouse (similar items sell in a local used furniture store) who will likely be compensated for the value of the item.
Then there are the "intangibles." Like claiming the children as a tax deduction. What is the value of the deduction? It can be more than what you think -- or less. It might have more value to a self-employed parent, or to a parent who wishes to claim additional tax credits (for example, the HOPE credit). A financial specialist can be extremely useful in running projections for different tax scenarios and providing objective guidance on this intangible "asset" (the child exemption).
Each collaborative divorce in Nebraska includes a financial specialist for this very reason -- to help the parties assess the financial implications of the divorce-related decisions they will make. And, to avoid dueling assessments, the parties share a financial specialist, who objectively assesses the issues at hand.
But in most cases, it's the parties themselves -- either with, or without the assistance of their attorney -- who end up valuing assets. And this can be a difficult job. When a family member went through this process a few years ago, I saw how difficult this could be. Even "objective" measures for valuing items -- for example, using the Kelly Blue Book value to determine the valuation of a vehicle -- can be subjective. One spouse who wants to retain an asset may claim that there is more "wear and tear" on the item, and therefore, it's worth less. Spouses may disagree on how current value should be measured. A bedroom set purchased the year before for $1700 may be worth $500 (if that's what similar items are selling for on Craigslist) to the spouse that wants to keep the item -- or $1250 to the spouse (similar items sell in a local used furniture store) who will likely be compensated for the value of the item.
Then there are the "intangibles." Like claiming the children as a tax deduction. What is the value of the deduction? It can be more than what you think -- or less. It might have more value to a self-employed parent, or to a parent who wishes to claim additional tax credits (for example, the HOPE credit). A financial specialist can be extremely useful in running projections for different tax scenarios and providing objective guidance on this intangible "asset" (the child exemption).
Each collaborative divorce in Nebraska includes a financial specialist for this very reason -- to help the parties assess the financial implications of the divorce-related decisions they will make. And, to avoid dueling assessments, the parties share a financial specialist, who objectively assesses the issues at hand.
A Video Explaining Collaborative Divorce
Check out this video, which explains the collaborative divorce process.
In a collaborative divorce in Omaha, you will have a financial specialist and at least two mental health specialists (a social worker, counselor, marriage and family therapist, or psychologist) as part of your collaborative divorce team. (You may also have another mental health therapist who serves as a shared "child specialist" to assist with issues involving the children.)
Watch the short video here:
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/6568851/collaborative_divorce/
In a collaborative divorce in Omaha, you will have a financial specialist and at least two mental health specialists (a social worker, counselor, marriage and family therapist, or psychologist) as part of your collaborative divorce team. (You may also have another mental health therapist who serves as a shared "child specialist" to assist with issues involving the children.)
Watch the short video here:
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/6568851/collaborative_divorce/
Collaborative Divorce -- A Judge's Perspective
What do judges think about collaborative divorce?
When you're considering divorce, you might not even consider what the judge's perspective is...but if you choose an adversarial divorce -- and if you and your spouse can't agree on how to settle key issues -- the judge will be the one making that decision.
You might be thinking to yourself, "Well, that's fine. If we can't agree, the judge will be fair." What you consider fair and what the court considers fair might be two completely different issues. You might think it would be fair to sell the house, pay off the outstanding debts, and split any proceeds left over. The judge might look at that differently, and allow your spouse to keep the house, take on the obligation of the joint debt, and sell the house 6-7 years down the road, when your kids go off to college. This effectively "ties" you to the debt until your spouse pays it off and ties up your equity in the house for years. This might be "fair" in the judge's eyes (it keeps your kids in the house they grew up in, and your spouse is "technically" liable for the debt, and you'll get your equity someday), but you might not think it's fair.
You have to remember -- judges don't want to have to make these decisions for you. At least in Nebraska, most judges are "all-purpose" -- not divorce-specific. They may go from hearing a murder trial one day to your divorce hearing the next. They don't like hearing couples squabble -- and even a "fair" judge may get tired of the case and make a ruling that both parties don't agree with -- just to make the point that he'd rather you two make the decisions yourself.
Interested in a judge's perspective on collaborative divorce? Check out this DVD: Collaborative Divorce, A Judge's Perspective
.
When you're considering divorce, you might not even consider what the judge's perspective is...but if you choose an adversarial divorce -- and if you and your spouse can't agree on how to settle key issues -- the judge will be the one making that decision.
You might be thinking to yourself, "Well, that's fine. If we can't agree, the judge will be fair." What you consider fair and what the court considers fair might be two completely different issues. You might think it would be fair to sell the house, pay off the outstanding debts, and split any proceeds left over. The judge might look at that differently, and allow your spouse to keep the house, take on the obligation of the joint debt, and sell the house 6-7 years down the road, when your kids go off to college. This effectively "ties" you to the debt until your spouse pays it off and ties up your equity in the house for years. This might be "fair" in the judge's eyes (it keeps your kids in the house they grew up in, and your spouse is "technically" liable for the debt, and you'll get your equity someday), but you might not think it's fair.
You have to remember -- judges don't want to have to make these decisions for you. At least in Nebraska, most judges are "all-purpose" -- not divorce-specific. They may go from hearing a murder trial one day to your divorce hearing the next. They don't like hearing couples squabble -- and even a "fair" judge may get tired of the case and make a ruling that both parties don't agree with -- just to make the point that he'd rather you two make the decisions yourself.
Interested in a judge's perspective on collaborative divorce? Check out this DVD: Collaborative Divorce, A Judge's Perspective
.Handling Holidays After a Divorce
Three years ago, I got my first sense of how holidays can be different for families after a divorce. My then-sister-in-law was having an affair and my parents invited our entire family over for a picnic on Memorial Day. My sister-in-law refused to attend, so my brother brought his kids and we had a great time without her.
Although my brother didn't know it at the time, it was the first holiday that would be different for him, his children, and our entire family.
One of the things that is difficult about a litigation divorce is the animosity it creates. When you're involved in an adversarial battle, things like holidays become a situation where both spouses want to "win." My sister-in-law, for example, is a Christmas junkie. She would buy thousands of dollars in Christmas presents each year (whether they could afford it or not). So that first Christmas after the divorce filing became a battleground. Even though she was broke, she spent more than a thousand dollars on gifts. My brother, financially drained from his own attorney fees and child support, couldn't afford to spend much on the kids. Combined with disagreements about how visitation would be handled for the holidays and invitations from his in-laws for him and the kids to spend New Year's with them (that was rescinded when my sister-in-law found out), it was just messy.
Collaborative divorce doesn't mean that there won't be disagreements about holidays (or how much is spent on the kids' gifts), but it means that you take a bigger picture approach. You have to be willing to give a little to get a little. And give up your idea of what a "perfect" holiday looks like.
On that Memorial Day in 2008, we got our first glimpse of what future holidays would look like. It didn't look like previous holidays, but we adapted. We survived. We thrived.
When you're considering what kind of relationship you want to have with your spouse after the divorce, remember that how the divorce unfolds will have a big impact on that outcome. If you go for the short-term win, you're going to lose in the long run. You're not just making decisions that affect today -- you're making decisions that will affect your future. Consider carefully.
Although my brother didn't know it at the time, it was the first holiday that would be different for him, his children, and our entire family.
One of the things that is difficult about a litigation divorce is the animosity it creates. When you're involved in an adversarial battle, things like holidays become a situation where both spouses want to "win." My sister-in-law, for example, is a Christmas junkie. She would buy thousands of dollars in Christmas presents each year (whether they could afford it or not). So that first Christmas after the divorce filing became a battleground. Even though she was broke, she spent more than a thousand dollars on gifts. My brother, financially drained from his own attorney fees and child support, couldn't afford to spend much on the kids. Combined with disagreements about how visitation would be handled for the holidays and invitations from his in-laws for him and the kids to spend New Year's with them (that was rescinded when my sister-in-law found out), it was just messy.
Collaborative divorce doesn't mean that there won't be disagreements about holidays (or how much is spent on the kids' gifts), but it means that you take a bigger picture approach. You have to be willing to give a little to get a little. And give up your idea of what a "perfect" holiday looks like.
On that Memorial Day in 2008, we got our first glimpse of what future holidays would look like. It didn't look like previous holidays, but we adapted. We survived. We thrived.
When you're considering what kind of relationship you want to have with your spouse after the divorce, remember that how the divorce unfolds will have a big impact on that outcome. If you go for the short-term win, you're going to lose in the long run. You're not just making decisions that affect today -- you're making decisions that will affect your future. Consider carefully.
Resources for Women in Divorce
The e-book, "Divorce 101: A Women's Guide" is a useful resource for women contemplating -- or going thorough a divorce. Here is a look at the table of contents from the book:
I. Introduction
II. Preparing for Your Divorce
- The Emotions of Divorce
- Preparing Yourself for Divorce
- Financial Precautions
- Dirty Divorce Tricks
- Separating Before Divorce
- Domestic Abuse
- Dating During Divorce
III. Getting Your Information Together
- Documents to Have on Hand
- Personal Information Worksheet
- Income Worksheet
- Calculating Your Living Expenses
IV. Getting Legal Help
- Do You Need a Divorce Lawyer?
- Finding the Right Lawyer
- Lawyer Interview Worksheet
- Retaining and Working With Your Lawyer
- Changing Lawyers
- Collaborative Divorce
V. Understanding the Legal Aspects of Divorce
- The Divorce Process
- Separation and Residency Requirements
- Grounds for Divorce
- Contested, Uncontested, And Default Divorce
- Temporary Rules/Interim Orders
- Bifurcated Divorce
- Military Divorce
- The Discovery Process
- What Is Decided in A Divorce Settlement?
- Negotiating You Divorce Settlement
- Using Mediation
- Arbitration
- The Divorce Trial
VI. Splitting the Assets and Debts
- Marital vs. Separate Property
- Community Property vs. Equitable Distribution
- The Family Home
- Pensions and Retirement Accounts
- Business Assets and Professional Degrees
- Asset Worksheets
- Debt Worksheets
- Dividing Assets and Debts
- Bankruptcy and Divorce
VII. Making Decisions About the Children
- Deciding Child Custody
- Types of Custody
- The "Best Interests of The Child"
- Child Custody Mediation
- Preparing for a Custody Battle
- Child Custody Trial
- Other Custody Issues
- Custody Modification
- Visitation Overview
- Visitation Schedule
- Parenting Plans
VIII. Financial Support
- Child Support
- Child Support Enforcement
- Alimony
- Alimony Payments & Modification
IX. Wrapping Things Up
- Changing Your Name
- Tax Consequences of Divorce
- Divorce Agreement Checklist
- Finalizing Your Divorce
- Modification and Enforcement
- After the Divorce
X. Conclusion
XI. Recommended Resources
You'll also receive these bonuses with the purchase of the book:
Bonus #1 -- The Smart Woman's Guide to Divorce Get up to speed fast with these straight-forward answers to the questions I frequently get asked about divorce. This guide covers pre-divorce concerns, getting legal help, understanding how divorce works, deciding how financial issues should be handled, making decisions about the children, and taking care of everything after divorce. |
Bonus #2 -- The Ultimate Self-Help Divorce Kit Many women don't even know where to begin to looking for specific information that applies to their own situation. So I've done all the work for you. This one-stop resource guide will give you what you need to know about divorce in your state and help you locate any services you may need. With this handy reference guide, you'll be able to:
|
Bonus #3 -- Surviving The Nightmare of Divorce Divorce is one of the most painful and disruptive events a woman can experience. Whether you initiated the divorce or feel victimized by it, you will probably undergo a wide range of emotions when your marriage ends. This book will help you work through those emotions so you can look to the future with hope instead of behind you with resentment. |
Bonus #4 -- Adjusting To Post-Divorce Life This is an in-depth interview I did with Life Coach Gloria Swardenski, discussing the various emotions that come up after divorce and how to move forward with your life. Listen in as we discuss tips and strategies you can use immediately to improve your mood and overcome the obstacles that may be holding your back. |
Collaborative Divorce: An Attorney's View
I came across this post from a collaborative divorce attorney: "Why I absolutely love Collaborative Divorce" and found it very interesting.
The reasons that Mr. Weber cites in his blog post are some of the same reasons I've heard from divorce attorneys who are Nebraska Collaborative Professionals. In addition to the damage it does to the spouses and children, adversarial divorce can be difficult for the divorce attorney too. While there is the thrill of "victory" when one spouse prevails, on the other side of that equation is a divorce attorney whose client "lost" in the gamble of what the presiding judge will decide on issues in contention.
Mr. Weber also cites another potential weakness of mediation as an alternative method of dispute resolution in settling a divorce:
The limitations of mediation, however, are that the parties don’t often have the support of advising attorneys in the room. As a neutral mediator, I am unable to advise what is in a party’s best interests. I can’t protect the interests of my clients. I always recommend that clients seek independent legal advice, but it is hard sometimes, if the attorney is not in the room.
An interesting point. Many mediators are not attorneys, so they may not feel this conflict. But the advantage of collaborative divorce is that you're attempting to reach a settlement together (instead of letting the judge decide the outcome), but with the guidance of an attorney who will keep your best interests in mind.
The reasons that Mr. Weber cites in his blog post are some of the same reasons I've heard from divorce attorneys who are Nebraska Collaborative Professionals. In addition to the damage it does to the spouses and children, adversarial divorce can be difficult for the divorce attorney too. While there is the thrill of "victory" when one spouse prevails, on the other side of that equation is a divorce attorney whose client "lost" in the gamble of what the presiding judge will decide on issues in contention.
Mr. Weber also cites another potential weakness of mediation as an alternative method of dispute resolution in settling a divorce:
The limitations of mediation, however, are that the parties don’t often have the support of advising attorneys in the room. As a neutral mediator, I am unable to advise what is in a party’s best interests. I can’t protect the interests of my clients. I always recommend that clients seek independent legal advice, but it is hard sometimes, if the attorney is not in the room.
An interesting point. Many mediators are not attorneys, so they may not feel this conflict. But the advantage of collaborative divorce is that you're attempting to reach a settlement together (instead of letting the judge decide the outcome), but with the guidance of an attorney who will keep your best interests in mind.
Divorce and Property Division: Part II
The property division legalities set out in Part I of this blog post are only what the courts will impose. You own personal division of property and assets will also be very important. There is much to be gained by discussing, planning, and executing the division of marital property with your spouse before getting to the courtroom. Even when the petition to divorce has been filed, if both parties agree to the division of property, you can save yourself a lot of stress and money. Let's look at a few items you may want to discuss before you sit down with your lawyer:
Close and Divide Joint Bank Accounts
Make the decision with your spouse to divide these accounts. Open an account in each of your names and separate the cash. Do not try to be sneaky about your joint bank accounts. No, you don't want to clean them out, leaving your spouse unaware. This is a nasty game that will only make things tough later on. Hiding assets is illegal and will only hurt in the end.
Open a Separate Credit Account
If you have always used your spouse's credit, now is the time to open your own. One credit card can help you establish yourself for the future. Start right at the bank where you now have your individual checking and savings account.
Be sure Both Names are on Joint Properties
This includes the house, cars, and other valuable properties. With both names on the title or deed, you have a legal claim to it. Many couples don't think about this and when it comes time to divorce, they may have difficulty proving their ownership.
Other Pre-Marriage Assets
If you inherited money, property, or won a settlement before you were married, be sure to discuss this with your spouse. Some states may consider these assets jointly owned, while other states do not. However, making an agreement about these assets before you get into the courtroom will save you time and money. Be sure to have any paperwork proving ownership ready, as well as signed agreements and clear paper-trails for the money involved.
Get All Financial Documentation Together
Some funds require legal distribution. This may include a 401(k), retirement fund, mutual funds, and other investments. Be sure to talk to your employer or agent about changes to be made to insurance policies, coverage, and beneficiaries. Have all the paperwork ready when the time comes to present it to your attorney. Again, if you try to hide assets that you are legally bound to divide with your spouse, you will only suffer later. Keep the handling of these assets and insurances on the up-and-up to avoid trouble.
Divorce makes people do crazy things where money is concerned. The division of money and assets can go horribly wrong very quickly if you're not prepared. If you have not made an amicable division of property, something as simple as a $100 rug can end up costing you $1,000 when your lawyer decides who gets it. That's reason enough to play fair and reach decisions together. The more you understand about the legalities, and the more you handle yourselves, the better off you will be before, during, and after the divorce.
Things to Think About When Choosing a Divorce Lawyer
There are considerations to be made in the early stages when you choose a divorce lawyer. The more information you get right from the beginning, the more successful the results will be. Let's start with a review of the basics:
Recommendations
Talk to friends or family who have experience with a divorce lawyer. If you have a family member or close friend who is a lawyer, they normally will not make a good lawyer for your case. Personal opinion can cloud pragmatic judgment. If you've been seeing a counselor, they may have resources to recommend a divorce attorney for you. In order to get a feeling for the personal style of a lawyer, you can begin even before your first consultation by watching them in the courtroom. Check the court docket and choose a divorce hearing to sit in on. It may seem a little odd to sit in on such a personal hearing, but you will get a quick look at the personality of a lawyer and that will be worth your time and trouble.
Even when choosing a collaborative divorce attorney, it is important to get an idea of how the attorney handles himself/herself. Does he or she seem organized? Does he or she communicate well? How well does he or she work with the opposing counsel? With the judge?
Experience
You will want a divorce lawyer who knows how to handle divorce proceedings. Look at their track record. Have they won proper settlements for their clients? Are they well versed in the divorce laws of your state? A divorce lawyer that specializes in family law or marital law must pass strict requirements in many states. This may make you more comfortable with your choice. Any good divorce lawyer will be happy to show you their past achievements. Ask hard questions about the outcome of divorce cases they've handled. If a collaborative divorce lawyer seems hesitant to talk to you about their cases, it's time to interview another divorce lawyer.
If you're considering a collaborative divorce, ask about other collaborative divorce cases the divorce attorney has handled -- in particular, did any of them "fall apart"?
Cost
Good divorce lawyers come in all price ranges. Most good divorce lawyers offer a free first interview or free divorce consultation. Be sure to get a fee agreement in writing so there are no surprises. A down-payment, or retainer, is required by most divorce lawyers. Many divorce lawyers will work out a payment plan for the balance of their services. Collaborative divorce lawyers normally charge an hourly rate, broken down into minimum charges. This means that if you stop in to chat with your divorce lawyer for five minutes, you'll be charged for fifteen or thirty minutes. Be sure to check all the billing fine print. Divorce lawyers -- even collaborative divorce attorneys -- make their living on billable hours, so the less often you're in their office, the better for your budget. A good divorce lawyer will tell you to do as much of the fact gathering and leg work outside the office to save you money. Be sure to explore cut-rate or do-it-yourself divorces with great caution. That is not to say that a good divorce lawyer can't also be an inexpensive divorce lawyer, but you have to be aware of the quality of service before you get in too deep.
Availability
Of course you don't want to be stopping in to see your collaborative divorce lawyer every time you get a whim, but you do want your divorce lawyer available to you when needed. Ask how often your divorce lawyer is in the office for appointments. If a divorce lawyer is always in court, it's going to get frustrating for you. The firm may maintain several assistants, legal secretaries, and paralegals to do the legwork for the divorce lawyers, which will be very helpful to you at times. Ask about emailing and faxing documents or a courier service if necessary for transporting documents for signature. And, even in this age of technology, there will be times when your actual signature is needed on an original document. Is the lawyer's office convenient to you? As odd as it seems, you may also want to choose a divorce lawyer who has an office close to the courthouse. Each document filing and each appearance in a divorce proceeding adds up in billable hours for the divorce lawyer. Traveling an hour from the office to the courthouse will be tacked onto your bill.
Before you worry about the specific details of your divorce, you have to explore basic legal support. Choosing a divorce lawyer can be a very confusing process at first. But, as you gather information the decision should become easier. You'll recognize a good divorce lawyer when you spend time getting to know him or her. Take your time and choose wisely.
What Are "Second Saturday" Sessions?
"Second Saturday" sessions in collaborative divorce provides an invaluable service for those facing the complexities of separation and divorce. This workshop is designed to help individuals and couples take the next step — at any stage in the process of untying their relationship.
This workshop will give you the basic knowledge you need to choose the process that will allow you to maintain your respect, dignity, and privacy. You will discover the community resources that you need to get you through this difficult time.
“Second Saturday” provides information to help you explore your legal options, deal with guilt, anger, and grief, and move forward with your life. The session is conducted by a collaborative divorce team — attorney, mental health therapist, and/or financial professionals.
The program will cover:
Family Issues
--> Helping your family cope with the stress of divorce
--> How to talk with your children about divorce
--> What collaborative divorce offers your family's mental health
--> Communication guidelines with your spouse during and after divorce
Financial Issues
--> Preparing financially for a divorce
--> Dividing property
--> Tax consequences of divorce
Legal Issues
--> The divorce process and options (litigation, mediation, collaborative law)
--> A legal roadmap (what to expect)
--> Nebraska’s requirements for a parenting plan (if children are involved)
This workshop will give you the basic knowledge you need to choose the process that will allow you to maintain your respect, dignity, and privacy. You will discover the community resources that you need to get you through this difficult time.
“Second Saturday” provides information to help you explore your legal options, deal with guilt, anger, and grief, and move forward with your life. The session is conducted by a collaborative divorce team — attorney, mental health therapist, and/or financial professionals.
The program will cover:
Family Issues
--> Helping your family cope with the stress of divorce
--> How to talk with your children about divorce
--> What collaborative divorce offers your family's mental health
--> Communication guidelines with your spouse during and after divorce
Financial Issues
--> Preparing financially for a divorce
--> Dividing property
--> Tax consequences of divorce
Legal Issues
--> The divorce process and options (litigation, mediation, collaborative law)
--> A legal roadmap (what to expect)
--> Nebraska’s requirements for a parenting plan (if children are involved)
Is Collaborative Divorce Right For Your Family?
There are many methods of conflict resolution that can be used to achieve a divorce that results in "success" for both parties. The more information you have, the better able you will be to choose the right option for your family. It is possible to obtain an equitable divorce with minimal involvement from the court system.
Approximately 1% of couples divorcing in Nebraska each year utilize the collaborative divorce process versus traditional divorce litigation, although this number is growing as couples realize the financial and emotional benefits of collaborative divorce versus traditional litigation. There were 6,084 divorces granted in the state in 2009 (an increase from 5,885 divorces in 2008).
Ninety-eight percent of all court cases settle before trial; why not go into this legal process with the idea that you’re going to work together to come out with the best settlement possible — for you, for your spouse, and for your family?
Approximately 1% of couples divorcing in Nebraska each year utilize the collaborative divorce process versus traditional divorce litigation, although this number is growing as couples realize the financial and emotional benefits of collaborative divorce versus traditional litigation. There were 6,084 divorces granted in the state in 2009 (an increase from 5,885 divorces in 2008).
Ninety-eight percent of all court cases settle before trial; why not go into this legal process with the idea that you’re going to work together to come out with the best settlement possible — for you, for your spouse, and for your family?
Collaborative Divorce on BlogTalkRadio
Interested in learning more about collaborative divorce? Tune into podcasts on BlogTalkRadio. There is a channel devoted to collaborative divorce:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/search/collaborative-divorce/
In particular, you might find the resources of Collaborative Dispute Resolutions folks useful:
feed://www.blogtalkradio.com/thecollaborativedivorce.rss
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/search/collaborative-divorce/
In particular, you might find the resources of Collaborative Dispute Resolutions folks useful:
feed://www.blogtalkradio.com/thecollaborativedivorce.rss
A "Win/Win" Outcome for Your Divorce
In traditional, adversarial divorce, there is the idea that there should be a “winner” and a “loser.” In collaborative divorce, the goal is a “win/win” outcome.
The idea of a lengthy, expensive divorce is a concern for many divorcing couples. There are, however, alternatives to courtroom litigation. An advantage of many of these alternatives is not just financial, however. Couples who use collaborative divorce, for example, may retain more control over the outcome of their financial settlements and custody arrangements.
One common misperception of collaborative divorce is that the couples must agree on everything before committing to the process. This is not the case. Instead, the couples must agree to be open and honest throughout the divorce process and work to achieve a mutually beneficial and agreeable settlement. There will certainly be disagreements along the way, but the collaborative professional team will work with the couple to solve these issues. This approach has the advantage of minimizing the negative impact of divorce on the couple and any children involved.
If the couple is not able to reach a final agreement through the collaborative process, they may still pursue litigation, but will need to hire new attorneys to represent them.
The idea of a lengthy, expensive divorce is a concern for many divorcing couples. There are, however, alternatives to courtroom litigation. An advantage of many of these alternatives is not just financial, however. Couples who use collaborative divorce, for example, may retain more control over the outcome of their financial settlements and custody arrangements.
One common misperception of collaborative divorce is that the couples must agree on everything before committing to the process. This is not the case. Instead, the couples must agree to be open and honest throughout the divorce process and work to achieve a mutually beneficial and agreeable settlement. There will certainly be disagreements along the way, but the collaborative professional team will work with the couple to solve these issues. This approach has the advantage of minimizing the negative impact of divorce on the couple and any children involved.
If the couple is not able to reach a final agreement through the collaborative process, they may still pursue litigation, but will need to hire new attorneys to represent them.
Collaborative Divorce vs. Litigation vs. Mediation
One of the easiest ways to understand collaborative divorce is to compare it to other types of divorce resolution methods.
Collaborative divorce uses a team approach — which will be explored next. Each party is represented by his or her own attorney, but the focus is on reaching a settlement together, without court involvement.
Litigation also involves two attorneys, but the process is often adversarial. While more than 90 percent of divorces are settled outside of a court trail, the threat of having a judge make the decision for the couple can sometimes face a decision on an issue that may not be in one — or both — parties’ interest.
For example, a father may not seek additional parenting time in a visitation plan because the wife knows that if the case went to trail, the judge wouldn’t likely order the additional time. Or a wife may not seek alimony in order to pursue training for a higher-paid career because she is currently employed full-time, but in a lower-paying position than she might be qualified for, with some additional schooling.
Both of these are issues that could be addressed successfully in a collaborative divorce, because an honest discussion of motivations and outcomes often reveals shades of grey for what appear to be black-and-white issues.
Mediation shares a common interest with collaborative divorce in that couples seek agreement on their issues while working with a trained third party. The mediator meets with both parties, without their lawyers present. Mediators must be registered with the court and meet initial training and continuing education requirements. Mediators are often therapists or attorneys, but some are laypeople with an interest in conflict resolution.
Collaborative divorce uses a team approach — which will be explored next. Each party is represented by his or her own attorney, but the focus is on reaching a settlement together, without court involvement.
Litigation also involves two attorneys, but the process is often adversarial. While more than 90 percent of divorces are settled outside of a court trail, the threat of having a judge make the decision for the couple can sometimes face a decision on an issue that may not be in one — or both — parties’ interest.
For example, a father may not seek additional parenting time in a visitation plan because the wife knows that if the case went to trail, the judge wouldn’t likely order the additional time. Or a wife may not seek alimony in order to pursue training for a higher-paid career because she is currently employed full-time, but in a lower-paying position than she might be qualified for, with some additional schooling.
Both of these are issues that could be addressed successfully in a collaborative divorce, because an honest discussion of motivations and outcomes often reveals shades of grey for what appear to be black-and-white issues.
Mediation shares a common interest with collaborative divorce in that couples seek agreement on their issues while working with a trained third party. The mediator meets with both parties, without their lawyers present. Mediators must be registered with the court and meet initial training and continuing education requirements. Mediators are often therapists or attorneys, but some are laypeople with an interest in conflict resolution.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)